


Writer's Block

by Spike_1790



Category: Angel: the Series, Buffy the Vampire Slayer
Genre: Alcohol, Alternate Universe - Human, Angst, Eating Disorders, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2012-03-31
Updated: 2012-03-31
Packaged: 2017-11-02 19:50:28
Rating: Mature
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings
Chapters: 15
Words: 18,717
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/372735
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/Spike_1790/pseuds/Spike_1790
Summary: <blockquote class="userstuff">
              <p>HAU. R/NC-17. All human AU. Spike is an author. Willow is a fan. Xander gets caught up in the plot.</p>
            </blockquote>





	1. Chapter 1

“Oh my god! Xander, there he is! Isn’t he amazing? Look at the cheekbones, and the hair! Oh, and look how good he looks in those jeans!” Willow was babbling. That was ok, Xander decided. She was excited. Its not every day that you get to meet your idol. So he could forgive her a bit of babble. And he could see her point. William ‘Spike’ Pratt was a gorgeous man.  
   
Xander had driven them to this bookshop on the outskirts of Sunnydale just so Willow could meet the man. And maybe get her copy of his book signed. She had it clutched to her chest, like a nervous school girl on the first day at a new school. She bounced up and down next to Xander, her excitement evident. The queue was long, but they had got there early enough that they had a fair chance of seeing the author of Willow’s dreams.  
   
They had been waiting for hours, and the goal was in sight. It had been worth getting up at 6am, waiting in line for hours and listening to Willow babble. She would owe him for this anyway, and there was a sci-fi movie he wanted to see out next month. Now he wouldn’t have to go alone. There was a strange collection of people there, ranging from squealing teenage girls, to emo boys that liked the dark poetry, to older men and women more interested in the literature than the body of the man who wrote it.  
   
Eventually, they made it up to the table. Xander was relieved; the teenage girls in front of them had had their books signed, taken a dozen photos of Spike and been ushered on by security. The constant twittering and squealing had been giving Xander a headache. Just as Willow was about to put her book on the desk to be signed, security stopped them.  
   
“He’s taking a break. You can wait here.” Willow looked disappointed. Spike and another member of security headed off towards the bathrooms. Xander thought how it must feel to have to need someone to take you to the bathroom to stop you getting molested by teenage hormone bombs on the way. He turned back to Willow to catch the tail end of some more babbling. She caught sight of Spike heading back to the desk and she began to bounce next to Xander again. The smile on her face fell again when the security guard collected a packet of cigarettes and a silver lighter from the pocket of the leather coat hung on the back of Spike’s chair. Xander glanced up. Spike was watching them. He leant over to the security guy, who looked like a caveman in a uniform, and spoke quietly, eyes never leaving Willow and Xander.  
   
The security guy led Spike off to the fire exit so he could have a smoke in peace. He came back a few minutes later and told Willow and Xander to follow him. They followed, worried they had done something to piss off him or Spike. Either would be bad. One would result in autographless books and the other would most likely end in broken bones, so it was a no brainer which one Xander was hoping for.  
   
They stopped outside the fire door. The security guy opened it, indicating Willow and Xander should go through. They stepped out cautiously. The door slammed behind them. Willow jumped. The look on her face broke Xander’s heart. She had the same look that she had in kindergarten when she broke the yellow crayon. Only instead of a broken crayon, it was her dreams. Tears were welling up. Xander reached out to hold her. A movement in the shadows caught his attention.  
   
“You came out here then? That’s good.” The smooth, English baritone soothed Willow’s tears. She had fallen in love with Spike the first time she had seen his picture, and here he was, standing in front of her, looking like sex itself, smoking a cigarette and actually _talking_ to her. “Hey, Red, why are you crying?”  
   
Xander spoke up, answering for Willow. “Your pet caveman chucks us out the fire door and doesn’t say a word. That generally means ‘leave’ rather than ‘go talk in person to your idol’” Xander glared at Spike, who had the grace to look abashed.  
   
“Yeah, Liam ain’t great at the whole talking thing. He’s a good security guard though. Protected the president. Got retired after taking a bullet in the thigh. And now he scares the living shit out of people.” Spike grinned. “So which one of you is the fan? I only see one book, which means bribery or blackmail.” He raised one eyebrow, the grin never leaving his face. Willow raised her hand. “Want me to sign it?”  
   
Willow squealed. Spike took that to mean yes.  
   
“What’s your name, luv?”  
   
“Willow. And this is Xander.”  
   
Xander watched Spike write in the inside cover of Willow’s book. Xander still had questions. “Why are we out here?”  
   
“You were next in line, I wanted company while I smoked. Would you rather have waited?”  
   
“No! We’re very grateful. Thank you for signing my book. I really appreciate it.” Willow was babbling. The heavy fire door swung open, hitting the wall and making all three of them jump.  
   
“Bloody hell, Liam! Knock first or something. Every time you do that I think I’m gunna have a bleeding heart attack!”  
   
“Time to get back in. There’s a lot of people out there Spike.” Liam scowled at Xander and Willow.  
   
“Yeah, yeah. I’ll be in when I’ve finished my fag.” Spike said, waving the half finished cigarette in Liam’s direction. Liam grunted and pulled the door up. Spike chucked the cigarette on the floor and crushed it out under his Doc Marten. “You guys got plans after this?” he asked.  
   
“I have a physics class in an hour.” Willow said. “Xander’s free though.” She smiled sweetly at her best friend.  
   
“Yeah, I have tomorrow off work too, so I might go out to a club or something.” Xander shrugged.  
   
“Nice. Listen, I’m stuck in Sunnydale for a few days if either of you want to show me around.” Spike winked at Willow, making her blush and giggle. “Let’s get back in before Liam starts his mother hen routine.” He let Willow through the door first. When she was in the store again, Spike pulled Xander back towards him, crushing their mouths together. It was the hottest kiss of Xander’s life. It was also his first kiss with another man.  
   
Alright, he could admit that he found the blonde hot, but he had always been comfortable in his masculinity to accept that men could be attractive. He just hadn’t been sexually attracted to a man before. Now, his traitorous dick was making a stand against his brain. The kiss ended, and Xander found himself disappointed. Spike pressed a business card into Xander’s hand.  
   
“Call me when your mate’s in class. I wanna take you out to dinner.” Spike gave Xander another kiss, a much more chaste one, and went back into the shop.  
   
Xander stayed in the alley way for a long time, fingers pressed against his lips, the memory of the kiss burned into his skin and his mind. He decided not to mention the kiss or the business card to Willow, at least until he had had time to think things through.  



	2. Chapter 2

Xander drove Willow to class. She was worried about him. He had been quiet all the way home. But she was too buzzed to care. She had met her idol, the most gorgeous person she had ever seen, a God among men. She couldn’t wait to tell her class mates she had met Spike, and not only that, had had a private talk with him, by his request. AND he had asked what she was doing later, so he was obviously into her.  
   
Xander’s head was filled with questions. He wasn’t gay. So why was he seriously considering calling Spike? Why didn’t he want Willow to know about the kiss? His dick had stayed half-hard all through the drive. When they pulled up outside the university, he was amazed he hadn’t crashed. He waved Willow goodbye, and drove towards his apartment.  
   
He didn’t remember parking or walking up the stairs. When he found himself trying to put the car keys in the door lock, he shook his head, trying to clear the memories of kisses and Spike’s lips. When he got in, he went straight to the fridge and pulled a cold beer out of the refrigerator. He crashed out on the couch, sipping his beer and staring at Spike’s business card.  
   
More thinking and more beers later, Xander grabbed the phone from its holder and dialled the number. He listened to the ringing, debating whether or not to hang up before it was too late. A voice on the other end snapped “WHAT?!”. Xander was taken aback.  
   
“Spike? It’s Xander. Xander Harris? We met outside the book store?”  
   
“Oh, hey Xander. Sorry, you just caught me in the middle of a, um, at a bad time. You decided to come for dinner with me?” The English voice was doing more distracting things to Xander’s groin.  
   
“Erm, I, um, yeah.”  
   
“So eloquent.” Spike chuckled. “Where do you live? I’ll come pick you up at eight.” Xander gave Spike the address, wondering all the time whether he was doing the right thing.  
   
***  
   
At eight o’clock on the dot, there was a knock on Xander’s door. Xander was debating not opening it. He had spent the last hour changing clothes and fussing over his hair. In the end, he had chosen a simple, dark blue shirt and dark jeans. The smart-casual look was usually suitable for most places. Giving himself another glance in the mirror, Xander accepted that there was no way he had time to change clothes again, even if he hadn’t gone through his entire wardrobe twice. He opened the door.  
   
Spike was slouched against the wall, his hair spiked and clothes highlighting his body in a subtle way. His eyes were smudged with dark Kohl and he was carrying two bike helmets. Xander opened and closed his mouth a few times, trying to find something intelligent to say. All his mind was supplying him with was _“Guh!”_ and _“Do NOT drool on the gorgeous guy that’s taking you out to dinner”._ Spike handed a helmet to Xander and pushed himself off the wall.  
   
Xander had never ridden on a motorbike before. It had felt strange, holding onto Spike for dear life while trying to will away the erection that was threatening to rip the front of his pants. When they eventually stopped outside the most expensive restaurant in Sunnydale, Xander’s eyes widened. The most expensive date he had been on had been when he had paid for Cordelia Chase’s food at the IHOP, just minutes before she announced she was leaving him for some guy she had been seeing behind his back.  
   
Spike strode in like he owned the place. The maitre d’ snapped to attention and showed the two of them to their reserved table. It was out of the way, in a slightly darkened, much quieter area of the restaurant. Xander felt incredibly out of place. Spike just smiled at him and encouraged him to read off the menu. Xander chose a small salad, but changed his mind when Spike raised an eyebrow at him.  
   
The maitre d’ approached their table with the wine Spike had ordered, and waited to take their food order. “I’ll have the soup du jour to start, followed by the steak, rare, pepper sauce, and my friend here will have… Have you decided yet, pet?”  
   
“Um, I’ll have the salad.” Xander said, timidly.  
   
“What about for the main course, love?” Spike asked. Xander worried at his bottom lip. “Just say what you want to eat. I eat a metric fuck-tonne of food. Hell, I’ll probably end up ordering another main after this one.”  
   
“Lobster?” Xander asked more than told the impatient looking waiter. Spike grinned.  
   
“Good boy. Nice choice.” Spike praised him, making Xander smile shyly. He felt like a blushing virgin, or like how Buffy had said she had felt when Riley had taken her out for the first time. _Oh god. I’m turning into a girl._ He watched Spike sip his wine, and thought about which of the many questions chasing each other round his head he should ask first.  
   
“What should I call you? Do you prefer Spike, or William, or something else?” Xander was proud that he didn’t go into full blown babble mode.  
   
“Either, pet. I don’t mind.” Spike took another sip of wine, then looked over the glass, right into Xander’s eyes. “Although if we end up in bed together, call me William. Ain’t much that’ll get me off harder.” He winked at Xander. “Anything else you want to ask?”  
   
“Um, yeah. Why me? I mean, Willow was fawning over you in that alley, and there were a hundred people you could have picked from.”  
   
“Simple. I saw you. I wanted you. And now I have you right here with me, even if it is just one night.” Spike’s long fingers tangled with Xander’s own on the table. A cough from the maitre d’ forced them to break contact and make space on the table for the food. They ate in silence for a time, before Xander asked another question.  
   
“What were you doing before you picked up the phone? You sounded angry.”  
   
Spike gave him a smouldering look and grinned seductively. “I was thinking of you, pet. You got me hot. I think you’re fucking gorgeous.” Xander whimpered, in a manly way of course, as Spike ran his boot clad foot up Xander’s leg, leaving tiny little sparks of want behind.  
   
“I’m not gay.” Xander whispered.  
   
“I know. But you can’t blame a bloke for trying.” Spike told him, returning to his food. Xander realised Spike had been right- he _did_ eat a fuck-tonne of food, and he ate it quickly. Xander was only half way through his starter when Spike pushed the empty bowl away. He couldn’t hold back the smile. Normally he was the only one that could eat that fast. He picked up his fork again and carried on eating. When the starters and mains had been polished off and the plates licked pretty much clean, Spike looked over to a very full up Xander and asked “Want dessert, love?”  
   
***  
   
The ride back to Xander’s apartment had been much more enjoyable. Probably because Spike had driven much slower. Outside his door, Spike gave Xander a chaste kiss, and told him to call if he wanted to go out again. Xander nodded eagerly and went inside. The memory of the kiss was burning his lips, and he could still feel the impression of Spike’s back against his chest from the ride home, he’d been holding on that tight. He took himself and his very confused penis, which had been half hard since Spike ran his foot up Xander’s leg, to bed. He didn’t check the answer machine, or see the flashing light indicating he had a new message.  



	3. Chapter 3

The bike roared up outside the hotel around midnight, waking up more than a few guests. Liam met Spike in the lobby. “Had a good night, Liam. Fuck, that boy is gorgeous. Do we have to leave so soon?”  
   
“If you want to keep your bollocks attached, you’ll move on the Oxnard at 6am, just like Faith said. There’s a Barnes & Nobel that I’m told has had people queuing outside since midday today, just for your autograph. And if you piss Faith off, my bollocks are on the line too. That girl’s scary, Will. I like my balls where they are, and I _know_ you like my balls where they are,” Liam said, trying to imitate Spike’s trademark leer.  
   
“That was a long time ago Liam. And you left me, if memory serves. So let’s just keep this professional between us, yeah? I wanna see if this can work with me and Xander.”  
   
“You went on one date! And you’ll probably never see him again anyway.” Spike sent Liam a death glare, and Liam wisely shut up. Spike knew it was true, though- even if they did return to Sunnydale, Xander was straight and apart from how well their date went, what was there to say that the brunette was even interested? Digging his key card out of his pocket, he let himself into the room, not taking the time to look at the smug grin on Liam’s face. Spike collapsed, fully dressed, on the double bed, letting the size of it mock him and his loneliness. He fell asleep thinking about Xander, and dreamed sweet dreams of the man.  
   
***  
   
Xander overslept. He woke up long after Spike and his “entourage”, comprised only of Liam and a van, had arrived in Oxnard. Xander was late for work. Throwing on his clothes, he raced to the door, grabbing his keys and nearly tripping over trying to pull on his work boots. He didn’t see the answer machine’s flashing light.  
   
He drove at break-neck speed to the construction site, to be greeted by a very confused crew. The foreman, Chris, wandered over. “What are you doing here, Harris? It’s your day off, remember?” Xander blushed. Chris continued “Hey, man, no sweat. I did that when I was fifteen in the middle of the summer break. Didn’t realise I wasn’t meant to be there until the police turned up and told me I’d set the alarm off. Got driven home in a cop car. My parents were laughing too hard to be angry though, so it turned out okay.” He clapped his hand on Xander’s shoulder. “Go grab a coffee, take a walk, do whatever it was you had planned for today. Just go.”  
   
“See ya tomorrow, man.” Xander called over his shoulder as he left.  
   
From behind him he heard Chris say to the others, “Looks like _he_ had a good night.” _You have no idea…_  
   
   
Xander chose not to go back to the apartment. Instead, he went to the internet café in town. He had a computer of his own, but it was packed away still fro when he had moved. He simply hadn’t bothered unpacking it. Ordering his coffee, he set himself up at a computer, and opened the internet browser. Out of curiosity, he checked his emails. No one had his email address, and he only really had one at all because Willow had nagged him into getting one. She had said it would mean they could talk more often. Xander couldn’t see the logic in this – they talked on the phone or saw each other nearly every day. Any more time together and they might as well just rent an apartment to share.  
   
There were four unread messages in his inbox. One was a welcome to using email email. One was his log in details for a site he had used once and forgotten about. Two were spam. _Really feeling the love here._ Logging out, he opened google and typed William ‘Spike’ Pratt into the search box. There were thousands of search results available, but he found what he was looking for pretty quickly. It was a list of all the places Spike would be visiting to sign books. Today, he would be in Oxnard, which Xander already knew from their conversation last night. He would be in LA by the weekend. Xander made a note of all the dates and locations on the back of the paper napkin his coffee was resting on. Downing the rest of his drink, he logged off the computer, which was promptly taken by a sulky looking girl dressed in black with turquoise hair. Xander folded the napkin carefully and tucked it into his jacket pocket before wandering out for a walk in the Californian sun.  
   
He got home just before dark. Toeing off his boots, he wandered into the kitchen. He made sure to pin the list of dates and places to the tiny notice board there. An inspection of the fridge resulted in Xander making a second list of the day, this one of things he needed to buy. The first of which would be cleaning spray, because there was a green furry something growing in the back corner of the bottom shelf. Something that may, at one point in time, have been food. The rest of the list comprised of grocery items. This was pinned next to Spike’s signing dates.  
   
Stripping his clothes off, Xander threw them in the rough direction of the laundry hamper, then climbed into the shower. The heat of the water felt lovely. Lathering up the sponge, he began to soap up his body, making bubbles form before they were lost to the drain. He let his mind wander off to the date he had had last night. It was easily the best he had ever been on. Spike had insisted on ordering two rounds of dessert for each of them, just to make the night last. Spike may be a skinny guy, but he could compete for his country at eating. He had made Xander laugh when he asked if he wanted to stop for ice-cream on the way home.    
   
Thinking of Spike was making Xander’s dick harden. He tried to push the thoughts away and will his erection to go down, but neither complied. He tried imagining his ex girlfriend naked, and jerked off to that image for a while, but eventually, the images in his head went back to Spike, and instead of Anya’s lips, he was picturing Spike’s wrapped around his cock, moaning as he sucked hard. Xander came with a choked off scream, his knees weak and vision greying. He had jerked off thinking about a guy. He had never cum so hard in his life. _Does this mean I’m gay?_ He couldn’t deny that he was attracted to Spike. He just wasn’t sure if he could be with a guy _in that way._  
   
Shutting off the water, Xander dried himself off, his mind full of thoughts, despite the orgasm he had just enjoyed. When he was dried and dressed, he picked the shopping list off the notice board and walked out to his car. Normally he would have walked to the small store on the corner of the street, but today he would be going to the larger store on the edge of town. Of course, that had nothing at all to do with its proximity to a certain restaurant or a certain hotel that certain bleached blonde authors had been staying in. No, nothing at all.  
   
He got back just as the phone stopped ringing. Dialling the number from the history, he connected to Willow’s dorm room phone.  
“Xander, hey. Where were you? You didn’t return my call last night, and then you weren’t in just now… Are you okay?” Willow’s voice sounded tinny through the receiver and Xander really wasn’t in the mood to talk.  
   
“I’m fine Wills. I went on a date last night, and I was just out shopping. I have an invasion of fuzzy mould to deal with in the fridge.”  
   
“You had a date? With who? It’s not Anya again, is it? Please don’t get back with her, Xan…”  
   
“No, it’s not Anya. It was, uh, it wasn’t a girl at all.” He listened to the silence on the other end of the phone for a few seconds. “Wills?”  
   
“You’re gay? As in, likes men? Oh my god, I have a gay best friend!” She squealed. Xander sighed and rolled his eyes. “We should meet for lunch tomorrow, and you can tell me all about your date and your man.”  
   
“Sure, Wills. Listen, I gotta go. I bought frozen pizzas and they’re slowly defrosting on the floor. Bye. See you tomorrow.” Xander was NOT looking forward to tomorrow at all.  



	4. Chapter 4

Xander arrived at the café and gave Willow a hug. He was dreading this conversation and had nearly phoned to cancel. But he couldn’t do that to Willow. She had been his best friend for forever and he owed her an explanation.  
   
“So what’s his name? What’s he like? How did you meet? Tell me everything!” Willow was bouncing in her seat like a hyperactive child.  
   
“His name is, uh… Paul! Yeah, and we met at the Bronze.” _Way to go, Xan. Lying to your best friend._  
   
“Paul? I don’t think I know anyone called Paul…”  
   
“Well, that’s his name.” Xander lied. “Thing is, I don’t think I’m gay. I’ve never been attracted to a man before. I can’t stop thinking about him.” That wasn’t a lie. Xander hadn’t stopped thinking about Spike all day.  
   
“Aww, honey, I’m sure you’ll figure it out.” Willow patted his hand reassuringly. Xander felt like the worlds worst friend ever. “Do you want to come over to mine tonight? Spike is giving an interview on a chat show and I wanna watch it.”  
   
“Sure.” Xander was getting good at lying. He didn’t want to see Spike on television. He wanted to see Spike in person, maybe at a restaurant again, or in his bed, naked. _No. No naked Spike!_ Willow continued to make plans. Xander pretended to listen. When they said goodbye, Xander still had no idea about what the plan was.  
   
***  
   
Willow came over at eight. Spike was on TV at nine. Willow babbled and Xander pretended to care. When the talk show host announced that the next guest would be Spike, Willow giggled. Together they listened to Spike’s voice.  
   
“So tell us, is there any one special in your life? There are lots of people out there just dying to know the answer.” The host asked. Spike grinned.  
   
“Well, there may be someone.” Xander’s heart leapt. “We met in Sunnydale” Willow’s heart leapt. “But it’s still very early days.”  
   
“There’s going to be a lot of very disappointed women out there, Spike. Tell us what your plans are after America?”  
   
“I think…” Xander stopped listening.  
   
When the show ended, Willow began to babble. “Did you hear that, Xan? He wants me! He really wants me! Ok, so he didn’t mention me by name, but it’s not like there was anyone else with us in that alley.”  
   
“Wills, how do you know it’s you? He meets hundreds of people at every signing.” At Willow’s incredulous look, he continued with a sigh “Just don’t get your hopes up, yeah?” The phone chose that moment to ring, saving them both from anymore conversation. Xander picked up. “Hello?”  
   
“Ello, pet. Did you see the show? I hate giving those interviews.”  
   
“Yeah, I did.” There was a loaded pause. “Was it me?”  
   
“Yeah, luv. It was you. You should have seen the look on Liam’s face. Bloke’s convinced me an’ him are meant to be together. Anyways, I just wanted to hear your voice, and ask if you wanted to go out some time again.”  
   
“Yeah, I would like that.” And Xander found that he really meant it.  
   
“Good.” Xander could hear Spike’s smile. “You got Red there, pet?”  
   
“Yeah, she’s going through my DVD collection.”  
   
“So no chance of phone sex tonight then?”  
   
Xander laughed. “Sorry. Tomorrow night?”  
   
“Sure thing, pet. Goodnight Xander.”  
   
They both hung up the phone. Willow had picked a romance film. Xander felt like crap. He hated hurting his friend, but it was necessary at the moment.  
   
***  
   
Spike was feeling like crap too, but for a different reason. Immediately after hanging up the phone, he got a call from Faith, his publisher’s PA and one of Spike’s best friends. She had ripped him a new one for getting involved with someone. She had seen the wreckage that was Spike and Liam’s breakup and had no desire to see another one. She had told him she was catching the next flight out of Boston and would meet them in LA. Spike was less than thrilled.     
   
Not only had he had his balls handed to him, he had checked into the hotel, only to find that there had been a mix up with the room bookings. Instead of the double bed and room to himself that he had been expecting, he would now be sharing a room with Liam and sleeping in a single bed. That meant he would have to forego the comfortable wank he had been planning in favour of a quick jerk off him the shower. And Liam snored. Loud. Thank god it would only be one night.  
   
They arrived in LA in the early hours of Saturday morning. Faith met them in the hotel lobby and immediately began yelling. Most of the yelling was directed at Liam, so Spike wasn’t going to complain too much.  
   
“How could you let him get involved with someone?” she asked, pointing at Spike. Spike rolled his eyes. Liam glowered. When the yelling had died down, they went to their rooms and Spike tried to get an hours sleep before he had to get up and go sign books again. He dreamed of Xander again.  
   
***  
   
It was raining in Sunnydale. It was raining so hard the construction site was deemed too dangerous to work on, and the crew couldn’t have to come in. Xander liked that. He got up early anyway. He got up and drove to Los Angeles. To see Spike.  
   
He parked outside the Barnes & Nobel he knew Spike would be signing at, and pulled out his cell phone. The queue out side the shop was so long he couldn’t see the end of it. He waited until he could see Liam leading Spike out to the smoking shelter before pressing the call button. He hung up before the call could connect. Instead, he got out the car, and followed Liam and Spike. Getting close to the two of them, he cleared his throat. Spike turned, and Liam looked ready to punch Xander’s face in. All Xander saw was Spike’s smile before he was enveloped in a tight hug. Without thinking, he brushed his lips against Spike’s. Spike returned the kiss.  
   
When they both had to come up for air, Spike asked “Xan, what are you doing here? I thought you worked weekends.”  
   
“Work called on account of rain. I wanted to see you.”  
   
“I wanted to see you too, pet. Will you stick around for a while? I have another two hours of sitting and signing to do before I can get out of here. Then maybe I can take you out somewhere? Or maybe we could stay in? No pressure or anything, just talking, maybe some more kissing…” Xander definitely liked the idea of more kissing.  
   
“Yeah, I’ll be around. Text me when your finished here? I’ll be in the coffee shop over the road.” Spike gave Xander another toe-curling kiss, then let Liam drag him back in the store. As he watched Spike disappear into the throng of people, he thought _He forgot to smoke his cigarette._ Xander went to get coffee.  
  



	5. Chapter 5

Spike met Xander in the coffee shop a little later than planned. When Liam had announced that there would be no more signings that day, two girls broke into a fight about whose fault it was that they hadn’t got into line earlier. Spike had watched for a while as Liam tried in vain to stop the scrap, before giving in and signing both girls’ books. This had led to another half hour of signings. By the end of the day, Spike’s hand was cramped and he was desperate to climb into bed and sleep.  
   
Xander could see the tiredness in Spike’s eyes and tried to hide his disappointment. “Listen, Xan, do you mind if we skip the date part and you come straight over to the hotel? I really need to chill tonight an’ I wanna spend time with you.” Xander couldn’t hold back the smile.  
   
“Sure. Let’s go.”  
   
***  
   
Liam was not happy. He had been told in no uncertain terms to leave Spike and Xander alone for the night. As it was, he was stood outside the door, listening to the two of them laughing at the comedy film they had got on pay-per-view. About an hour ago, he had seen room service go to the room with a very full trolley. Liam knew just how much Spike could eat in a single sitting and wondered if anything had been ordered for Xander.  
   
“Moping won’t do you any good, Angel.” Faith’s voice made Liam jump. He scowled at the old nickname. Spike had called him Angel when they were dating and now Faith was the only one who used it, even though she knew how much it annoyed him. “Take the night off. Go to a club. Get laid. I’ll deal with Spike.” Liam grumbled and left Faith alone outside Spike’s room.  
   
***  
   
“Xan? Can I kiss you?” Spike asked. They were both laying on the bed, propped up against the headboard, shoes kicked off to somewhere in the room. Xander had his arm around Spike’s shoulders. “No pressure or anything…”  
   
Xander swooped down and captured Spike’s lips in a kiss that was both gentle and desperate at the same time. Spike moaned into Xander’s mouth, and ran his fingers through Xander’s hair. When Xander shifted, he could feel Spike’s erection pressing against his thigh. His own answering hardness pressed into Spike and before long they were rutting mindlessly against each other. Xander felt Spike’s fingers undoing their jeans, and gasped when his cock was gripped in Spike’s strong hand.  
   
Desperate to feel more of Spike, he reached into the black denim jeans and pulled Spike’s dick out to play with. The spongy head was leaking a steady stream of pre-cum, dampening Xander’s fingers. He didn’t have long to play though, as Spike increased the speed and pressure of his ministrations, and when Xander choked back a sob as he came so hard he saw stars, he felt Spike’s dick twitch in his hand before bathing him in hot, sticky cum.  
   
They fell back on the bed together, a boneless heap of very satisfied Spike and Xander. “Spike, I’ve never… this was the first time… I mean…”  
   
“Don’t worry, love. Did you enjoy it?” Xander nodded. “Then that’s all that matters. I’m not going to push you into doing anything you don’t want.” Spike removed his cum stained t-shirt and cleaned himself up, before handing it to Xander to do the same. “Now, get clean, we’ll have a nap, and when we wake up, we can talk some more, yeah?” Xander snuggled into Spike’s warm embrace. They were both asleep before the movie finished.    
   
When she could hear no more sounds from the television or the men watching it, Faith pushed the door open and peeked in. What she saw made her sigh; Spike, shirtless and with his jeans undone, cuddled up asleep with a man she guessed must be Xander. Faith knew just how Spike threw himself into relationships, giving everything to make it work, even though it never did. He didn’t like one night stands. It always had to mean something to Spike.  
   
Faith and Spike had been friends for years. Since he had moved to America from London, and had turned up at school one day. He had been a perfect target for the school bullies, and Faith had just snapped one day, pushing one of the football players down a flight of stairs. He had been fine, but Faith had been suspended for a fortnight. Spike, who had been William at the time, had gone over to her house to say thanks, and they had been friends ever since. Faith was the first person William had told when he realised he didn’t think he was entirely straight. Together, they had sat in Faith’s bedroom, and she had kissed him. That was his first kiss. Then she had undressed herself, and then him. She had lay back on the bed and told him to test it. William had kissed her again, positioning his body over hers, but nothing happened. He had stayed soft. Faith had expected him to be embarrassed, or to cry. She hadn’t expected him to smile, kiss her again, and tell her with complete certainty that he was most definitely gay.  
   
Faith smiled and shut the door. She just hoped Xander would stick around. Spike may have developed the bad boy persona, may have polished and perfected it, but underneath, he was still William. He was still her best friend and she didn’t want him to be hurt. She sighed.  
   
***  
   
Willow had phoned Xander’s apartment at least a dozen times. They had made plans to go to the Bronze. She had hammered on his door until the neighbours threatened to call the police. Finally admitting that he wasn’t at home, she tried his cell phone.  
   
***  
   
The noise woke Spike up. He didn’t mind being woken up when the waking was being done in bed next to the warm body of a gorgeous man, but he would have preferred it if it had been the man and not his cell phone that had woken him. Carefully, so as not to wake Xander, Spike reached over and picked up the happily chirping cell phone from the bedside table where Xander had put his keys and wallet before the film.  
   
“’Ello?”  
   
“Xander? Where are you? We planned plans, remember?”  
   
“Xander’s asleep, love. Wore him right out. He’s in Los Angeles, in my hotel room bed, where he’s been most of the afternoon.”  
   
“Is this Paul? I thought you lived in Sunnydale?”  
   
“Who the fuck is Paul?!”  
   
“Xander’s boyfriend. They went out together on a date, and he was telling me about it, so I presumed it was you. I love your accent by the way.”  
   
“No, this isn’t Paul.” Willow could feel the venom dripping from the words.  
   
“Oh, erm, could you wake Xander up please?” Spike punched Xander in the ribs, doing an effective job of waking him up. Willow could hear his sleepy “What the hell?” before the phone was thrust into Xander’s hands.  
   
“Huh? Who is this?”  
   
“Xander, it’s me. We had plans tonight. Why are you in LA? And why were you cheating on Paul?” Xander could see Spike redressing and leaving the room. “Xander?”  
   
“I’ll tell you when I get home. I have a feeling that a pissed off security guard is about to throw me out of a hotel room.”  
   
“Xander, tell me what’s going on!”  
   
“Wills, much as you think it, not everything revolves around you, ok?” Xander hung up without waiting for a reply. He had just finished tying the laces of his shoes when someone in uniform came in and began packing up Spike’s things. “Hey, what’s going on?”  
   
“Miss Lehane has requested that the items from this room be transferred to a different room. Please vacate this room now.” Xander sighed and did as he was told.


	6. Chapter 6

Xander drove home at break-neck speed. He was amazed he wasn’t involved in a wreck or pulled over by the police. All that mattered was getting back to Sunnydale and telling Willow that she had ruined his relationship. _All she had to do was keep her big fat mouth shut, but could she do that? No!_ _And its gunna hurt her even worse when I tell her who I was with. Fuck it. I want her to hurt._  
   
The drive felt like it took days, but it was really just a few hours. The tires screeched as he pulled up outside the dorms. He took the stairs two at a time, nearly knocking over a freshman on his way. He hammered on Willow’s door. When she opened it to let him in, she was way too perky for the level of anger he was feeling.  
   
“Xander, hey. I thought you were with that guy with the cute accent. Why are you here?”  
   
“I’m here, you stupid bitch, to tell you that our friendship is over. You had no right to tell anyone about ‘Paul’, especially people who have _told_ you I’m sharing a bed with, and especially seeing as I made Paul up to spare your feelings.”  
   
“Huh? You made Paul up?” Willow’s nose crinkled in confusion. On any normal day, Xander would have thought it to be cute. Today, he thought it was stupid.  
   
“Yeah, I made him up. I’ve not been dating a random guy I met in a bar, or whatever story I told you, I’ve been with Spike. No, don’t give me that look,” he said at her shocked expression. “I’ve been talking to, seeing, dating, and doing naughty, sexy touching with your idol. He phoned me after that television interview. Do you remember? That was him. He was talking about _me_ in that interview. Not you. _Me._ And you had to open your mouth and ruin it for me, just like you do everything else.”  
   
“Xander, that’s not fair.”  
   
“Fair? Fair?! What’s fair about any of this?” Xander was losing his aggression now that the rant was almost over. He couldn’t blame Willow for everything. Deep down, he knew at least part of it was his own fault, for not being honest with Willow and Spike. Tears began to form in his eyes, making them look glassy in the harsh, artificial lighting of the hallway they still stood in. “He looked so hurt, Wills.”  
   
“Oh, Xan, I’m so sorry.” Willow was crying too. She threw her arms around Xander’s neck, holding him close, letting the frustrated sobs work themselves out.  
   
***  
   
In Los Angeles, Faith was dealing with a similar situation. Spike had had all his things moved to a room on a different floor; a room that didn’t reek of him and Xander and their combined orgasms. She had known something was wrong when Spike had gone to the hotel bar and ordered a bottle of Jack to go. She had more than an inkling of what had caused the problem when she saw Xander race through the hotel lobby and into his car, tires screeching as he disappeared into the city.  
   
When she returned her attention to Spike, he was gone. Sighing, she climbed the stairs again, this time heading straight to Spike’s new room. He was on the bed, necking whiskey from the bottle, cell phone clamped to his ear.  
   
“Pick up, you wanker!” He snarled into the receiver as the voicemail message started up. How Spike managed to get drunk so quick, Faith couldn’t guess, until she saw the state of the mini-bar, which looked like it had been drained in seconds. Spike slurred into the cell phone. “Liam, Liam, Angel. He’s gone. He’s gone and he’s got a boyfriend called Paul. Do you want to fuck away my pain? I’m in room… something. Front desk will know.” Faith cringed. Spike and Liam had been a disaster. They were in no way compatible, and letting Spike use Liam as a rebound had neon flashing warning signs all around it.   
   
Spike drained the bottle and collapsed back onto the bed, smacking his head on the headboard. Faith heard the dull “owww” about five seconds after the thud. _Boy has the reaction time of a dinosaur…_    
   
“Faithy? Faithy, are ya there?”  
   
“Yeah, Will. I’m here.”  
   
“Yeah. Hi. Can I have a cheeseburger? And a large fries, and a diet pepsi. And a cake. I want a cake.”  
   
“Spike? I’m not a drive-thru operator.” She sighed. It was a going to be a very long night.  
   
“Ok. Faith?”  
   
“Yeah?”  
   
“I feel sick.” That got Faith moving. Spike could tolerate his alcohol if he took it slow and steady, but the last binge like this one had resulted in Faith writing a large cheque to cover the cleaning costs. She dragged his uncooperative body into the en suite bathroom just in time to see Spike empty the contents of his stomach into the bathtub.  
   
When the retching finally stopped, Faith handed an exhausted Spike a glass of water. He took it gratefully. He looked so lost and young, sat on the bathroom floor, legs out in front of him, clutching the glass of water like it would give him the answers to the meaning of life.  
   
“Come on then. Talk to me, big boy.” Spike gave her a watery smile, which transformed into a sob.  
   
“He lied to me. He said he wasn’t gay. Then _he_ came to see _me._ He came to me, Faithy. I wasn’t pushing him or anything. Then his mate tells me he has a boyfriend. Being straight I could have accepted as a reason to end it. But _he has a boyfriend,_ Faith. I thought he was really into me.” Spike gave a pathetic little sniffle and let Faith drag him to his feet and back to the bed.  
   
When she was sure he was either asleep, either from exhaustion or from the alcohol knocking him out - she didn’t really care which – she phoned Liam’s cell. She got the same voicemail message that Spike had got, and left a message of her own, telling him to ignore Spike’s drunken propositions. _Well, it was more of a threat, really- ignore Spike’s drunken propositions or get fired_.    
   
Rifling through Spike’s duster pockets was usually considered an extreme sport and Faith hated to do it. He kept all sorts of things in there. Once, she had gone in looking for chewing gum and come out with a book of stamps, a plastic jellyfish and a very squashed chocolate bar. That was nothing compared to the small butter knife she had dragged out of the inside breast pocket one night before they went to a club. Spike had shrugged, claimed it wasn’t his, then, at Faith’s withering glare, admitted he had stolen it from a restaurant because he was bored and the service had been terrible. Faith had laughed, smacked him upside the head and left him to get dressed.  
   
She found the address in the first pocket she looked in. Faith hated leaving Spike alone when he was in this kind of mood, but this was important. She would be paying Alexander Harris, of Sunnydale, California, a visit. If he was very, _very_ lucky, she might let him keep his balls when she was through.  



	7. Chapter 7

Faith waited impatiently for Liam to get back. She didn’t need him to be entirely sober, just sober enough to make sure Spike didn’t try anything stupid. She had already had Spike’s motorcycle unloaded from the back of the van and set up ready for her to leave.  
   
Once upon a time, they had owned the bike together. Spike had fallen in love with it on the forecourt, but hadn’t had the money on him at the time. Faith had needed transport of her own, but didn’t want to fork out for a car. So they had pooled their money and bought the bike together. Then things had gone bad for Faith. Her relationship had gone sour and her boyfriend had cleared out her bank account. In the time between having no money at all and the police catching “the thieving little wanker”, Spike had offered to loan Faith money. She had refused on the grounds that one should never loan money from a friend. So he had offered to buy her half of the bike instead. He still let her ride it, on the understanding that if she so much as scratched it, she would be losing limbs.  
   
When she saw Liam, mercifully alone and sober, she told him the short version of what had happened and the explicitly long version of what she would do to Xander Harris. Liam was suitable impressed. He hadn’t liked Xander from the moment he laid eyes on the man, and letting Faith at him was a sure-fire way to keep the younger man away from Spike. Faith didn’t see the determined look that passed over Liam’s features before she kicked the bike into life and roared off. If she had, she wouldn’t have left.  
   
***  
   
Xander was miserable. Willow had sent him home with the instruction to have a hot shower and think everything through. She would bake cookies and come by when they were cool enough to eat. He knew that was her way of apologizing, but he really didn’t want cookies. He wanted to keep the taste of Spike in his mouth, the memory of their kiss, the feel of his lips. Food would take that away from him. He didn’t want the shower either. Tiny spots of Spike’s cum were dried on his stomach, and he had no intention of losing the scent of the other man so soon, especially after they had shared such an amazing orgasm. Xander’s dick ignored his brain’s depressed thoughts and twitched in his pants at the memory.  
   
A knock on the door told him just how long he had been stood thinking. He opened it to a sheepish looking Willow holding a box of chocolate chip cookies. He let her in without a word.  
   
“Xander, I really am sorry. I shouldn’t have told him anything.”  
   
“No, you shouldn’t have.” His voice sounded harsher than he had intended. “But I shouldn’t have lied.”  
   
Willow’s eyes widened to near comical proportions. “Was it really Spike Pratt? I thought you were just saying that to make me feel bad.”  
   
“Yeah. It was really him. And I was really in his bed. And he’s really pissed with me.”  
   
“Did you see his… y’know?” Willow’s voice was near a whisper now.  
   
Xander grinned. “What is this? Fifth grade? You _can_ say the words, Wills.” She didn’t say them. She just looked at him expectantly. “Yeah. Well, I had his junk in my hand, does that count? I didn’t get a good look at it though. Not while he was hard anyway.” He nearly laughed at Willow’s shocked look. He thought she might have a heart attack from over-excitement at any second.  
   
“Did he… um… did he finish?” Xander sighed internally. _Well, what the fuck? Might as well kiss and tell if he can kiss and kick me out the hotel room._  
   
“Yeah. All over me. I haven’t washed it all off yet, either.” He did laugh out loud when Willow squeaked and nearly fell over.  
   
***  
   
Faith was in a less good mood. She had had to stop for gas on the way, and the old lady in front of her in the queue was still rummaging around in her purse for the coupon she insisted she had with her. Faith was ready to wring necks. The cashier gave Faith an apologetic smile. Faith growled silently.  
   
***  
   
Spike was asleep. Liam sat down on the edge of the bed, next to the pale form. The perfect skin was pink, from the alcohol, he presumed. He could remember a time not so long ago when he could have climbed into bed beside the blonde and held him close, or carded his fingers through the stiffly gelled hair until the gel was gone and the curls reformed.  
   
Chancing his luck, Liam kicked off his shoes, dropped his jacket to the floor, and lay down on the bed, pulling Spike to his larger body. He might be angry in the morning, but it would be worth it just to hold Spike one more time.  
   
***  
   
Faith arrived in Sunnydale. Most of the men she knew had terrible handwriting. Spike didn’t. He had impossibly neat writing, which made finding Xander’s apartment all the easier.  
   
Luck or Fate seemed to be smiling on her, as when she got to the main door, someone was leaving, swinging the door wide open in invitation for her. She slipped through without having to be buzzed in. Xander’s apartment was only one flight of stairs up, so Faith opted for walking instead of taking the rickety-looking elevator.  
   
There was his door. The number was there in shiny metal. Faith took a moment to prepare the tirade she would bestow upon the man. While she was thinking up some particularly nasty and cutting insults, the door opened and two figures emerged. She recognized the man from Spike’s bed, but the woman was a stranger. Although from the way she hugged the man, they weren’t strangers at all. In fact, they were a little _too_ close.  
   
***  
   
Willow gave Xander a kiss on the cheek and hugged him tight. She had forgiven him for lying and for doing some very naughty things with the man she had a crush on in lieu of some very graphic details. She had made him retell the part about touching Spike’s dick several times. _After all, has there ever been a friendship that hasn’t been fixable with the liberal application of man on man sex?_  
   
 _***_  
   
Faith saw the exchange between the two friends. If she had taken the time to think it through logically and calmly, she probably would have seen that the kiss was innocent and friendly. But she didn’t.  
   
“What the fuck are you playing at?” She demanded. “First you tell him you’re straight, then you lead him on, then tell him you have a boyfriend, and now you’re kissing this slut! Don’t answer that. Just stay the fuck away from Spike or I’ll get a restraining order against you. Understand what I’m saying?” Xander and Willow both nodded dumbly, too shocked by the sudden outburst from this total stranger to really take in the words.  
   
Faith accepted the affirmative, and turned on her heel, leaving Xander and Willow in the doorway. Now she just had to get back to the hotel and take care of Spike until his broken heart mended. Sometimes she hated just how easily he could fall in love.  
  



	8. Chapter 8

Xander hadn’t tried to make contact with Spike for a week. Faith knew this, because she had confiscated Spike’s cell phone the second she had got back to the hotel. The next few minutes were spent berating Liam for taking advantage of Spike. Spike had put his foot down and insisted that nothing had happened between them while she was gone. She had reluctantly acknowledged that she believed Spike, even if Liam had been overstepping the mark.  
   
Their little group had travelled some more, to some larger chain stores, as well as the smaller, privately owned stores that Spike preferred. They reminded him of home. Spike threw himself into his work. Faith hadn’t asked him, but she knew he had written at least two dozen poems for his next book. He still had over a month before he even had to _think_ about handing over drafts and proofs.  
   
After a month, Faith accepted that Spike was back to normal, coping at the same level he had been before the Sunnydale Drama. She had used a lot of her holiday time on following Spike around, making sure he didn’t do anything stupid, and now she had to get back to work. Liam was given strict instructions to vet the crowds at the signings, just to make sure Xander Harris hadn’t shown up. He was also to take Spike’s phone away if he heard even the smallest hint of a rumour that Xander was back in the picture.  
   
Spike hated being treated like a child. He could remember when Faith had broken up with Lindsey. She had pined over him for weeks, but he hadn’t felt the need to take away her cell phone and have her friends watch her 24/7. He had taken her to the mall and made her indulge in retail therapy. He scowled to himself. _Although, this may be punishment for when she caught me kissing Lindsey at the Christmas party. In fairness, I had no idea what the bloke looked like as I’d never met him before_.  
   
The growling of his stomach broke Spike out of his thoughts. He hadn’t been eating properly since his fight with Xander, and his clothes hung off him. He was well hidden under his heavy duster, and neither Faith nor Liam had commented on it. He had managed to avoid meals by claiming he would order room service, and when questioned about his foodless room service bills, claimed he had ordered pizza or Chinese instead. It was a series of lies he was well-versed in. The few bites he did eat were lost to the toilet bowl within the hour.  
   
He didn’t like feeling hungry. But he did like the pain that real hunger brought to him. The pain made him feel… Real.  
   
***  
   
Liam was worried about Spike. He hadn’t said anything, but he knew the signs of an eating problem. His sister, Dru, had had the same problem. Spike had the same slightly sunken, shadowed eyes, the cheekbones had become even more pronounced than they had been before, and Liam had begun checking the trash in Spike’s hotel rooms for evidence of takeaways on the days he claimed to have ordered them. There was never a single empty pizza box or carton on Chinese food.  
   
 Liam hadn’t liked the Harris kid at all. Right from the word go he had been trying to take Liam’s place in Spike’s heart. It didn’t matter that, deep down, he knew that place was long gone. The truth was, if Spike didn’t start getting some food in him, Liam would have to contact Xander Harris. _And didn’t that thought leave a bitter taste in the mouth?_  
   
***  
   
Xander was doing much better than Spike. He had been promoted at the construction site, he had a potential girlfriend, and his friendship with Willow was stronger than ever. She had coached him through the first few days, after Faith’s impromptu appearance, with ice-cream and chocolate. She had deleted Spike’s number from Xander’s cell phone so he wouldn’t be tempted to contact him (although she did make a note of the number on a heart-shaped piece of paper, which had later been stuck in the scrapbook she kept about Spike).  
   
So it was a surprise when, six weeks after Xander had returned from LA, Xander got a call from a cell phone number he didn’t recognise. Assuming it was Lilah’s new number, he picked up.  
   
“Xander’s house of horrors, how may we scare you?”  
   
“Xander Harris?” It was a man’s voice. Not at all like Lilah.  
   
“That’d be me. Who is this?”  
   
“Liam O’Connor. We’ve met before in Sunnydale. I’m Will’s security guy?”  
   
“Oh. You. What do you want? I’ve done what the scary lady said and stayed away from him. Shouldn’t you be giving me the same courtesy?” He couldn’t keep the bitter tone from his voice.  
   
“Will’s… Will’s not well, Xander. He hasn’t been eating. We’ve got a shared house rented for us in Oxnard from the twenty-fourth. That’s when he finishes signings. I don’t think he’s really aware of where he is anymore. He just goes where he’s told, writes his name until he’s told to stop, and repeats.”  
   
“What does this have to do with me?” Xander could hear the brooding, soul-searching sigh from the other end of the line.  
   
“Faith doesn’t know I’m talking to you. He needs you. And I love him enough to want him to be happy. To be safe.” Silence met his statement. “Will you come to see him? Try to persuade him to eat something?” More silence. “Please?”  
   
“I’ll think about it.” Xander hung up without waiting for a reply. Everything had been going well for him until that call. Liam had seemed serious about wanting him to see Spike though, and if Xander was being honest with himself, he hadn’t stopped thinking about the blonde at all. When he had kissed Lilah, he had been imagining Spike’s lips pressed against his own. And his dreams had all featured a certain blonde man too, as had his morning showers. Yes, he would definitely _think_ about seeing Spike again.     



	9. Chapter 9

Liam drove the van in silence. At first he had tried to get Spike to talk, but the blonde had snapped at him, bringing any attempt at conversation to an abrupt end. Spike sat in the passenger seat and Liam glowered.  
   
Spike watched Liam scowling, trying not to laugh. One of the most entertaining things to do on a road trip was to rile the man up. He had thrown himself into his work, emailing pieces of work to his publisher nearly every time he had had access to a computer. Not everywhere had internet access, after all, even in the so-called technology era. To be honest, Spike hadn’t paid much attention to where Liam had said they were going. He knew they were on downtime after this hectic cross-country signing spree, and that the place they were going began with a vowel, but that was all.  
   
Leaning over, Spike switched on the radio, and after a few moments surfing for something he would listen to without feeling the urge to curl up and die- Celine Dion, Fuck no. Generic boy band, shudder. Rick Astley, DIE NOW. Motorhead, acceptable- he cranked up the volume and sang along, as out of tune-ly as possible. Eventually, the pained look of Liam’s face got so bad that Spike couldn’t sing for laughing. Liam was glad. Spike hadn’t laughed since the night Harris had left. He just wished Spike wasn’t laughing at _him._  
   
At the first stop for gas/ bathroom break, Spike wandered around the shop. He studiously ignored the candy bars that looked oh-so tempting, and settled on a bottle of water. After a moment’s hesitation, he picked up another three bottles and a couple of cans of energy drinks. That would ensure the need for another dozen bathroom breaks and a very, very hyper Spike, both of which would piss Liam off no end.  
   
Liam caught sight of the bottles being put into a carrier bag. It was too late. Spike already had his wallet out and had handed over the cash to the pretty girl behind the counter. Liam groaned, earning him a scathing glance from the old lady stood next to him. Spike gave the cashier another one of his winning smiles, which still looked amazing despite his gaunt appearance, and turned to face Liam, holding out his hand for the keys. Liam paled. Letting Spike drive was like signing his own death warrant. The man could _not_ drive. Liam was amazed that Spike had been allowed to take his test, let alone pass it.  
   
However, not letting Spike drive could have a serious impact on Liam’s sanity. He would be faced with a Spike who wouldn’t be able to sit still, would demand bathroom breaks, would probably break either the radio or the speakers, would most likely attempt to climb into the back of van or get them pulled over by the police. None of those were particularly appealing. Liam had hoped to get the drive done in one day. With Spike behind the wheel, they would be there in under an hour or be dead at the side of the highway. That seemed preferable to the thought of trying to babysit Spike- who was ADD at the best of times- and not be arrested. Reluctantly, he handed over the keys.  
   
***  
   
Spike drove like a maniac… for the first mile. Then the sugar and caffeine seemed to wear off and Liam breathed a sigh of relief. Spike grinned when he saw the death-grip Liam had on the side of his seat. He wasn’t a bad driver really. He just _really_ enjoyed annoying the man.  
   
“Just tell me when to turn off, okay?”  
   
“If you let _me_ drive, we might actually make it to Oxnard alive instead of in body bags.” Liam ground out.  
   
“Give over, you big ponce. I can handle a straight shot down the highway. It’s only another hundred miles or so.”  
   
“You have no idea where the fuck we are, do you?”  
   
“Nope. Not a bloody clue” Spike grinned.  
   
***  
   
Spike did break the radio. And he nearly deafened Liam with his singing. He had shut up when Liam had countered with a pitiful version of ‘Mandy’, only with the name switched to ‘Spiky’. The ‘shut up or die’ look made Liam laugh, but he did keep quiet. They tried playing I-spy. They tried playing the licence plate game. They even tried talking to each other like adults, but that had turned into a name-calling match, which diverted into a round of ‘who can come up with the best insults’- apparently Spike knew Liam’s mother, intimately, and so did several zoo animals. Liam hadn’t been impressed. So Liam spent some time picturing the little house and the nice life he would own when he was free of the annoying, _gorgeous,_ blonde. And if all the futures he imagined had that same gorgeous blonde man in them, he couldn’t be blamed. They were only fantasies, after all.    
   
Just before sunset, Spike announced he was bored of driving and that they would have to make a pit stop so he could stretch his legs. That was fine by Liam. After more stilted attempts at conversation, he had fallen silent, mentally praying to every god and goddess he could ever remember hearing about, and in every language he knew, that they would make the trip in tact. They stopped at a Denny’s. Spike drank more water while Liam ordered food. Both were surprised that Spike had put away so much liquid without the need to stop to use a toilet. _Hollow legs,_ Liam thought.  
   
That run seemed to have ended though, and Spike made his way to the bathroom. As with most men’s rooms in motorway services, it smelled bad; like stale urine and too much but not enough bleach. After what may well have been a world record breaking piss, he shook off his dick and zipped back up. As he did, he felt his cell phone vibrate in his pocket. Taking it out, he checked the messages. He nearly dropped the phone in the urinal out of shock when he saw who the text was from.  
   
From: Xander Harris  
Message: I’ll be there.  
   
Be where? With who? When? Huh?


	10. Chapter 10

Xander had debated for hours whether or not to send the text to Liam. Eventually, the decision was made by accident when he sat on his cell phone. The back pocket button had caught on the send button, and the message was gone before Xander had a chance to change his mind. Putting the phone, the message and all thoughts of seeing a certain sexy blonde again out of his mind, he grabbed a sandwich from the fridge and settled down in front of the TV.  
   
***  
   
In a Denny’s bathroom, somewhere on the way to Oxnard, Spike was staring at a text from the man he couldn’t stop thinking about. Wondering over to Liam’s table and the stack of pancakes he had ordered, Spike flopped down in the seat opposite the other man and thrust his cell phone under Liam’s nose. Liam put down his fork and stared levelly at Spike for a while.  
   
“I asked him to meet us there. I used your cell phone. He must not have recognised the number.” He looked genuinely regretful that it had happened.  
   
Spike picked up Liam’s discarded fork and drummed it on the table for a while. When he began picking at the edge of a pancake with the prongs of the fork, mashing it into an unrecognisable paste, Liam held his breath. When Spike started cutting bite sized pieces with the side of the fork, Liam had started to turn purple with breath-holding. When the fork, laden with pancake and strawberry, made its way into Spike’s mouth, Liam finally let out the air from his lungs.  
   
He used to think heaven was being balls deep in Spike’s arse, but this was coming close; seeing the skeletally thin man take potentially life-saving bites of sugary food. Spike was looking gaunt, his eyes slightly sunken, cheek bones prominent and skin papery and pale. Liam was in two minds; on one hand, he desperately wanted to keep as still as possible in the hope that Spike would keep eating, like watching a nervous wild animal feeding at dusk. On the other hand, he wanted to discretely order another plate or four under the pretence of going to the restroom. Whatever he chose to do, this was a huge step for Spike.  
   
Liam realised that he had been brooding- something Spike accused him of doing too often- when the fork met the empty plate with a clatter and Spike looked up at him as if to say “Well? I’ve run out of food. What are you going to do about it?”  
   
“Ready to go, mate?”  
   
“Yeah. Just give me two minutes to pretend we had an argument about who is going to drive, and that I won that argument.”  
   
Spike snorted indelicately. “I’m driving. Get over it.”  
   
“We’ll see.” Liam said, standing up and brushing a few imaginary crumbs off his black silk shirt.  
   
Spike did end up driving again. Liam wasn’t happy, but he had very little choice in the matter. They did get stopped by the police, but as they had only been five over the speed limit, they had only got a warning. And Spike got them lost- twice- by turning off at the wrong exit and ending up in Stepford-esque towns that neither of them had any desire to spend any elongated period of time in.  
   
Several miles and another two bathroom breaks later- Spike had started to regret the choice to buy sugary, caffeinated drinks about ten minutes after drinking them- and they were pulling up to a small apartment block.  
   
“I thought you said we were renting a house?” Spike said, looking adorably confused.  
 

“We are. We have to pick the keys up from the landlord, who lives here.” Spike scowled at Liam’s patronising tone. He opted to stay in the van while Liam collected the keys, mostly because he had just remembered that he had half a bottle of warm water in the glove box, and he wanted to tip it on Liam’s seat before he got back. If the water was warm enough, Liam wouldn’t notice until it had already left an embarrassing damp patch on his pants. _Oh, the things I have to do to piss Angel off…_  
   
***  
   
Spike was still sniggering when they got to the small, red brick house they were renting. Liam was scowling and mumbling threats and curses under his breath. This was the closest Liam had been to the man Spike had once fallen in love with in a long, long time. Of course, the Liam he had fallen in love with would have given him a good spanking for the practical joke. Laughing, he got out of the van and followed Liam through the door of the house.  
   
***  
   
Xander knew Liam and Spike were meant to be arriving on Oxnard at some point during the day. Feigning illness to avoid both Willow and Lilah, Xander sat staring at his cell phone, waiting for the signal to drive over. Hopefully Liam would tell him the address too, or this whole thing would be a waste of time. All he could see in his mind was the smile Spike had given him at the restaurant. Spike was beautiful. Or had been. From what Liam had said, Spike looked ill now. Xander didn’t know how prepared to be- Spike could be looking like a famine victim, or he could have just lost a few pounds. He had no way of telling if Liam was the type to exaggerate or not.  
   
When he finally felt like he couldn’t wait another second, the cell phone on the table buzzed and played out a little jingle. Xander snatched at it and read the message before grabbing the duffel bag he had packed on the off-chance that Spike would want to spend more than ten seconds in Xander’s presence.  
 

The car spluttered for a bit before the engine roared into life for him. Xander cooed a few words of praise for the vehicle before driving away from the safety of his new, comfortable life towards the past and whatever future it held for him.  



	11. Chapter 11

Xander knocked on the door. Spike opened it, smiling like there was nothing better in the world than what he was seeing. He reached out and pulled Xander’s body against his own. Brushing the hair off Xander’s face, Spike caressed the warm skin gently, before pressing his lips against Xander’s. The brunette returned the kiss with equal passion. Spike slid his hands under Xander’s shirt to play with the hardening nipples and run down his hard abs. Xander’s hand took up residence on Spike’s firm backside, pulling him impossibly closer, so that he could feel an answering erection against his own.  
   
Pulling them off the front step and into the warmth of the house, Spike’s hands were all over the other man, undoing buttons and working at the zippers of their jeans. When Xander’s cock was free, Spike dropped to his knees and swallowed Xander’s cock down to the root, revelling in the gasps and moans he was pulling from the brunette.  
   
Spike’s hand- the one that wasn’t fondling Xander’s balls- was working his own dick; hard, firm movements that forced pearly drops of pre-cum out of the slit and down the shaft. Xander’s hand tangled in Spike’s hair, holding him in place as Xander’s cock twitched in his mouth before spurting hot, sticky cum into the waiting throat. Spike’s sped up the ministrations on his own cock. With a strangled moan, he spilled his load over his knuckles and onto the floor.     
   
***  
   
Liam watched Spike sleep. The blonde’s face was relaxed and he looked so young and angelic. They had been drinking that night to celebrate the end of their road trip, and Spike had fallen asleep on the couch. Liam heard the change in Spike’s breathing patterns and wondered if he was waking up. Nope, the boy was still fast asleep, still deep in REM sleep, eyes visibly moving under his closed eyelids. The sharp inward breath and full body shudder announced exactly what Spike had been dreaming about. He groaned, enjoying the image of Spike cumming in his pants. His cock hardened in his slacks and he pressed the palm of his hand against it. Liam was considering taking a quick shower to relieve some of the tension when there was a knock on the door.  
   
Liam stomped over to the door, threw it open and growled a very unwelcoming “ _WHAT?!”_ at the surprised looking Xander.  
   
“I, uh, I got your text.”  
   
“Right. He’s asleep on the couch. I’ll wake him up. You had better come in.” Xander followed Liam’s retreating form.  
   
Xander’s heart leapt at the site of the man sleeping on the couch. The part of him not busy remembering the last time they had seen each other was wracked with guilt over Spike’s physical state. Liam hadn’t been exaggerating at all. If anything, he had downplayed the situation. Spike was thin. Skeletal. _Six weeks can make a hell of a difference to a man_ Xander thought. The Spike he had spent one amazing night with could never have been described as fat, but in comparison to the sleeping man, he was. Tears formed in his eyes and he turned his head to hide from Liam’s scrutiny.  
   
Liam shook his head, then shook Spike awake. Spike opened bleary eyes that focused solely on Xander. His jaw dropped.  
   
“Xan?”  
   
“William. I’m so fucking sorry. Let me explain, please. Just give me five minutes before you throw me out, or have Liam throw me out.” Spike and Liam shared a look, one that asked if it was the right thing to do. With an unspoken agreement formed between them, they looked away.  
   
“Gimme five minutes to freshen up an’ you can start talking. Any chance of some tea, Liam? Or something stronger?” Liam nodded and stalked off to the kitchen. Spike stood, stretched, and wandered off to the bathroom. Peeling off his sticky jeans, he turned on the water for a shower, waiting until the room was full of steam before he stepped in. The spray beat down on his back, easing the aching muscles and stinging his skin in the most perfect way. He was sorry that he couldn’t spend longer in there, but he _had_ said he would be quick. Shutting off the water, he slung a towel around his hips and started brushing his teeth.  
   
Feeling fresher than he had done, he dropped his soiled clothes in the laundry hamper and left to find some clean ones. Liam had obviously been doing some housekeeping while Spike had slept, because his clothes were all neatly folded in drawers or hung in the closet. Grabbing an oversized t-shirt and a pair of well-worn sleep pants, he redressed and headed back to the living room where Xander was waiting.  
   
Xander was sitting uncomfortably on the couch, waiting nervously for Spike’s return. Liam had returned from the kitchen with three cups- one tea and two coffees- and had put them all on the table before sitting back and studying Xander, well aware of the effect it would have on the brunette. When Spike padded softly back in, Xander stood.  
   
“Can we talk in private?” He all but whispered.  
   
“No. Liam’s going to stay and listen in.” Xander sighed in frustration, but sat back down anyway.  
   
“Things got messed up. I shouldn’t have lied to Willow. Or to you. You’re the only guy I’ve ever been interested in, let alone, uh, done stuff with. I told Willow I had met a guy at the Bronze. She had such a huge crush on you, and it would have broken her if I told her about you and me. I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you, Will.”  
   
“Xan, listen to me. That night we had together meant more to me than just a one night stand.” When Xander started to interrupt, Spike held up a hand to stop him. “I don’t know what it meant to you, and I don’t really want to know.” _Liar._ “But you’re right. You shouldn’t have lied. You shouldn’t have come to LA at all.” Pause. “I haven’t been able to stop thinking about you either.”  
   
“I wish I hadn’t fucked things up. We could have been in bed together right now, curled up asleep, instead of sitting here with your security guy watching us talk.”  
   
“We could. I still want you, Xan. I want you so bad. If you can make me believe you want me, we can be together. Just don’t lie anymore.” Xander’s hesitation was all the answer Spike needed. He glanced at Liam, who stood, putting one of his huge hands on Xander’s shoulder, encouraging him to stand.  
   
“Spike… I have a girlfriend now. And a great life.”  
   
Spike was on his feet in an instant, spitting out the words with a venom neither Xander nor Liam had ever witnessed before. “So you, what? Came here to rub it in my face? Tell me you can’t stop thinking about me then say you can’t have me because of some stupid bint?” Liam took this as his cue to throw Xander out as quickly as physically possible, slamming the door shut on the shocked brunette.  
   
Xander stood outside for a while, unsure of what had just happened. Getting back in his car, he buckled up and started the engine. Before he sped off into the night, he sent one more text.  
   
Tell Spike I love him.


	12. Chapter 12

Spike was beyond angry. He was seething, fists balled at his sides, lips drawn back in a silent snarl. _Liam’s a bastard, inviting Xander over like that_. As the other man appeared from back in the room, Spike lost it. A bottle flew past Liam’s ear, shattering on the wall, the few drops of whiskey left in it dripping down the wall. Liam dodged the next half a dozen projectile bottles, opting to leave as fast as possible when a coffee mug crashed to the floor next to him.  
   
With Liam gone, Spike sat back on the sofa, still shaking with pent up rage. He flipped open his cell phone to call Faith. What he saw was a text from Xander. _So he thinks he loves me? Fuck that. He has a life and it doesn’t have a place for me in it._ Dialling Faith’s number, he waited for her to pick up.  
   
“Lehane.”  
   
“Hey, Faith. I threw bottles at Liam and made him run away. How soon can you get to Oxnard?”  
   
“Nice to hear from you too, Will. Why were you throwing bottles at Liam?”  
   
“Oh, he’s an arsehole.” _Like that’s even half of it…_  
   
“Sweetie, Angel’s always been a bit of an asshole. That’s why you broke up with him, remember?”  
   
Spike hated it when Faith patronised him and talked to him like he was a child. “He told Xander to come over to the house,” Spike replied through gritted teeth.    
   
 _That_ got Faith’s attention. “I can be there tomorrow.”  
   
Spike sighed with relief. “Thanks, pet. Knew I could count on you.”  
   
“Now try to get some sleep and don’t worry about Liam. He’s a big boy. He can take care of himself.”  
   
“He’s not as big as me,” Faith heard Spike mutter.  
   
Faith laughed. “I’m sure he’s not, honey. Who could ever compare to the whole of your five and a half inches?”  
   
“Hey! I’m bigger than that! You only saw me soft. I’ll prove it tomorrow. I’m the Big Bad!”  
   
Faith was laughing so hard that tears formed in her eyes. “Men. So touchy about some things… See you tomorrow, Will.”  
   
“Bye Faithy. See ya soon.” Spike felt slightly better, if a little insulted, after talking to Faith. But that was just them- insults, banter, make everything better and repeat. He had lost track of the number of times they had pulled each other out of a depressive slump, or carried one another home from a drinking binge. It was part of the best friend job. It was right there in the job description, next to “time wasters need not apply”. Tomorrow, Faith would tear Liam a new one, then make everything better.  
   
***  
   
Xander got home late. He had driven around for a couple of hours, trying to clear his head and come to a decision re: Will, Lilah, the future and what he _really_ wanted in life. The only decision he had made was to tell Lilah that he had been with a man, who he may or may not still have feelings for, and see how she reacted. As plans went, this one really sucked, but it was better than a lot of Xander-made plans.  
   
It was well past midnight when he knocked at Lilah’s door. She looked pissed, but that dissipated when she saw Xander stood there.  
   
“Xander. Come in. Do you want a drink?”  
   
Xander stepped in and shut the door behind him. The snick of the latch sounded ominous and loud in the otherwise quiet room. “No thanks. Lilah, we have to talk.”  
   
“That doesn’t sound good. What’s wrong?”  
   
“Before we got together, I was with someone else… sort of. We had one night together and went on a date, but it ended bad, and I feel guilty as hell about it all.”  
   
“Okay… you do know I’ve had other boyfriends in the past too, right? What’s your ex doing now? Harassing you? Threatening you? Tell me, Xan. I can get someone to deal with her… one of the perks of being a lawyer…”  
   
“That’s the thing… you can’t deal with ‘her’, because its not. A her, that is. It’s a him.” Xander let that hang between them, while he nibbled on his bottom lip. Lilah said nothing, but raised an eyebrow to indicate he should continue. “Well, I lied to Willow about him, and he found out, and I left, and got shouted at by a scary woman, and invited over to talk to him, and now I’m here and I’m confused and I don’t want to hurt either of you.”  
   
“Do you love him?” Xander’s voice failed him, the lump in this throat making speech impossible. He nodded. “Do you love me?” Another nod. “You can’t be with both of us, Xan. Do you want an easy solution?” Yet another nod. “It’s over, Xan. It’s best for both of us. It’s not fair for you to stay with me when you love someone else, and it’s not fair for me to try to keep you from being with whoever this guy is.”  
   
Xander engulfed Lilah in a hug. He sobbed on her shoulder, letting her hands rub soothing circles on his back. He sniffed and drew away, brushing the tears from his eyes. “Thanks, Lilah. Can we still be friends? I don’t want you out of my life completely. Please?”  
   
“Sure, Xan.” She smiled. “Now go be the knight in shining armour and go get your guy.” Swatting his butt as he left, she gave him another smile before shutting the door behind him. As Lilah climbed back into bed, she wondered _why are all the good ones gay?_  
   
Xander sat in the car for a while. He thought he would feel sad that Lilah had ended their relationship, but all he felt was relief. He needed to go to Oxnard, find Spike and apologise for being an asshole. The he could beg Spike to take him back and… and what? No, Xander had no idea at all what he was doing, but he did know one thing. He had to find Spike.  



	13. Chapter 13

Xander drove towards the house that Spike- or rather Liam-  had thrown him out of. Every rational part of his brain was screaming that this was a mistake. Leaving Lilah was a mistake. Going to see Spike had been a mistake. Going to that goddamn bookshop with Willow… that had been the biggest mistake and the best decision of his life rolled into one.  
   
Indecision struck again and Xander pulled up outside a coffee shop. It was a cheap place, somewhere about five steps under Starbucks, but Xander wasn’t looking for great quality coffee. He was looking for answers, and if he could find some in a cup of scolding hot, not-made-with-real-coffee coffee, so be it. The sign out front had formerly announced the name of the shop, but now most of the letters were burnt out, and in the dark it was impossible to tell what the place was called. Inside was no better. The floor formerly white, but now faintly yellow linoleum floor looked like it hadn’t been properly cleaned for a month or more, and the windows all had dead flies in the bottom corners. They obviously hadn’t been cleaned for a while either- countless rain storms had left the outline of hundreds of rain drops on the glass, and the writing had rubbed off from there too. Obviously the elements didn’t want anyone to know the name of this tiny, dirty coffee shop. The neon lights flickered overhead, making everything seem brighter in a dull, artificial sort of way. The heavyset woman behind the till looked like she could have been working there since the day it opened, her greying black hair pulled into a bun and her checked apron tied in a neat bow at the back.  
   
She smiled at Xander as he approached the red Formica counter. He ordered a latte. Nothing fancy, just simple, good caffeine goodness. Good for the soul. Or for the mind at any rate.  The woman bustled off to make his drink, and Xander kept looking around. The tip jar was nearly empty, and probably had been for quite a while. No one tipped much for good quality coffee, let alone the cheap stuff served at these little, out of the way places. While the woman’s back was turned, he emptied all the change he had into the jar, as quietly as possible, and decided to pay with a ten dollar bill instead. That way he could leave another tip too. There was no reason that other people had to feel as crappy as he did. The woman handed over the cup, and Xander handed over his money. When he got the change, he dropped some of it into the tip jar. The grateful look in the woman’s eyes was thanks enough, and Xander didn’t mind that he had paid more in tips than he had for the coffee.  
   
As he turned from the till, steaming Styrofoam cup in his hand, a figure caught his attention. A man was sitting at the table nearest the window. He looked as miserable and confused as Xander felt, and Xander could only see the back of the man’s head. The man was toying with his own Styrofoam cup. There was something about the hulking shoulders and dark hair that was dancing just out of reach in Xander’s mind. The man should be familiar to him, but not enough for Xander to remember him from the back of his head. Then the man turned. _Liam_.  
   
The caveman brows drew into a scowl for a second- and not one of those ‘I don’t know you’ scowls, either. This was a full on ‘I hate you and want to hurt you’ scowl. It was gone as quickly as it came, and Liam nodded Xander over to the table. Xander approached carefully, fully aware of the other man’s ability to hurt and intimidate. Liam didn’t move until Xander was seated on the cheap plastic seat opposite him. Even then, the only movement was to toy with the cup again, breaking bits off until the table looked like it had been the focus of an impromptu, indoor snow storm. Neither said anything.  
   
When the woman, Darlene from her name tag, started wondering round with a cloth, wiping down the empty tables, and clearing away the few empty cups and napkins that had been left, Xander stood, looking to leave Liam to his brooding.  
   
“Spike hates me. He hates me because of _you_.” Liam spat the words out like they left a bitter taste in his mouth and he wanted it gone. Xander didn’t know what to say. “If it hadn’t been for _you_ , me and him could have been happy together. I worked it all out. I loved him from the second I laid eyes on him.” Liam looked up. Xander could see the redness forming round the rims of the other man’s eyes. When Liam didn’t offer any more words, Xander offered some of his own.  
   
“How did you meet? You and Spike?”     
   
Liam smiled at that. “Much the same way you met him. We were both at a book signing, before Spike got published. One of my friends had asked me to work security detail at a convention. Loads of writers were there, trying to promote and sell their books. I’d been put on leave from the Whitehouse after I got shot. Took a bullet for the president and they tried to pension me off…” Liam took on an angry look again. “Anyway, Spike was there with Faith. Faith works in publishing, and Spike was looking to get published. She called it ‘scoping out the competition’. He called it boring. I had taken up smoking when I got out of hospital. Spike smokes when he’s bored. We ended up in outside, sharing a cigarette between us and having a laugh. I asked if he wanted to get a drink when the convention was ended and he agreed. I felt like the luckiest man alive. I was sure he was straight though. I figured he just wanted some male company after spending the day with Faith.” Liam gave Xander one of those self-depreciating looks before continuing. “We drank. We talked. We drank some more. I walked him back to the hotel he and Faith were staying in. He asked if he was going to get a goodnight kiss. One thing led to another and we ended up in bed. That was when I found out that he was sharing a room with Faith.” Xander looked puzzled. Liam explained. “She walked in on us. I was balls deep in him and she walked through the door and stood there. He finished. He didn’t care she was there at all. So we ended up together. But I fucked it up. I cheated on him and left him for this other guy. That didn’t work out, and Spike didn’t take me back. But we stayed friends and now I work for him.”  
   
Xander swallowed. That was more information than he had wanted, but Liam looked happier for the chance to talk. Liam kept talking. “When I saw him after he took you on that first date, he looked happy. I mean, really happy. Like he hadn’t been since… since as long as I’ve known him,” Liam admitted miserably. “Then you hurt him. And I hate you for that too. He’s far too thin and, as much as I love him and want him to be with me, I want him to be happy. I love him enough to want him to be happy. I can’t pretend to like you, but if you promise not to hurt him again, I won’t try to break you two up. You hurt him again and all bets are off. Understand?”  
   
Xander nodded. His mind was certainly not swimming with doubt anymore, but he was back to being scared of Liam again. “I promise. If he even wants me anymore. I left Lilah for him. I was on my way there before I stopped in here. Will he want me?” Liam nodded.  
   
“He loves you, you idiot.” Liam stood and swept the tiny pieces of shredded cup into Xander’s empty one, and threw it in the bin by the door. “Want to go face him together? Hurricane Spike should have calmed down by now.” Xander nodded again. “Then let’s go get you your man.”  
   
The bell gave one more jingle as the boys left. Darlene, who had overheard the men talking, shook her head. They were unluckier in love than she was, and that, in her opinion, was saying something. Still, she now had a tip jar to count up. She hoped the two men found love one day. She flipped the sign from ‘open’ to ‘closed’ and bustled off to hang up her apron.  



	14. Chapter 14

While Liam and Xander had been having their discussion in Darlene’s Diner, as Xander had come to think of it, Faith was in an aeroplane on her way to see Spike. Faith hated flying. The food was bad, and she was nearly always sat next to someone who wanted to make conversation, when all she wanted to sit and avoid them. This time however, she seemed to have struck gold. She was seated next to a gorgeous man who hadn’t yet tried to make small talk. She hoped the journey would bring about an opportunity to talk to him, but she wouldn’t hold her breath.  
   
***  
   
Spike had indeed calmed down by the time Liam and Xander got back to the house. He had also cleaned up the broken glass and enamel and whatever liquids had been in said glass and enamel before they met their fate at the walls or floor. Spike spent even more time trying to set up the computer in his bedroom. He just wanted internet access to email his publisher. If it were more practical, he would have gone to an internet café to send his work, but it simply wasn’t.  
   
Eventually, with the rage and the necessary cleaning, Spike fell back on his bed, completely exhausted. It was late- or early, depending on how one looked at it- and he knew he had to get some real sleep before he picked Faith up at the airport in the morning.  
   
***  
   
Liam had walked to the coffee shop. It had taken about an hour to get there and he had no intention of walking back when Xander had a perfectly good car. Together, they drove back towards the house and towards the man they both loved. It was an awkward drive, one that Xander wasn’t eager to repeat any time soon.  
   
When Liam opened the door for him, Xander stepped in, breathing in the scent of cleaning fluid and alcohol. Liam went ahead to find Spike. Xander sat awkwardly in the same seat he had occupied the last time he was in the house, only thins time he was alone, planning what he would say to Spike that could possibly fix anything.  
   
Liam found Spike sleeping. He gently shook awake the sleeping form and sat down on the side of the bed, idly running one hand down Spike’s back. Spike arched into the touch, just as Liam knew he would.  
   
“Will, I’m sorry. I shouldn’t have said or done anything. But I’m glad you’re going to be happy. Will you wake up properly for me? Please?”  
   
“Yeah, I’m awake. Sort of.”  
   
“Xander’s in the living room.”  
   
“What? Why?”  
   
“We had a nice little chat. He left his girl for you. I think he really loves you, Will.”  
   
Spike said nothing. He just sat up, relishing the warmth of Liam’s hand for a few more seconds. Knowing he was just stalling for time, he stood up, stretched, and pulled off the sleep-creased t-shirt he was wearing. Grabbing a clean one from the closet, he pulled it over his lean frame, hiding the creamy flesh from sight.  
   
Closing his eyes and bracing for rejection, Spike stood at the doorway. Downstairs, Xander was sat on the couch, waiting for Spike, waiting to find out how Spike really felt.    
   
Xander stood when he heard footsteps on the stairs. He was nervous as hell. His palms were sweating, and his heart felt like it was about to pound out of his chest. He turned, and looked right into the bright blue eyes of the beautiful man he loved.  
   
Spike was unsure of what to say to Xander. Should he declare his undying love? Send the man away? Offer friendship and nothing more? None of those seemed right.  
   
Neither said a word. They walked towards each other, eyes doing all the talking they needed to, before lips met lips and they were kissing. Tongues duelled for dominance, hands grabbed at skin and clothes, just trying to make contact, to be close. This was enough for both of them. No words of apology, no arguments, just kissing and touching, and, oh, denim covered erections sliding against each other.     
   
Spike and Xander ended up on the couch, making out like horny teenagers. Liam watched, tears in his eyes at the sight of Spike, the one man he loved more than anyone or anything on the planet, making out with Xander Harris, the man who had taken any chance of a relationship between Liam and Spike away from him. Still, Spike would be happy now, and that’s what really mattered.  
   
Liam decided to make a call to Faith.  
   
***  
   
Faith had arrived at the airport and had only had her cell phone on for a few minutes before she got Liam’s call. She was pissed off. The airway had lost her luggage. It had only been one bag, but still, she was pissed off.  
   
“What?!”  
   
“Faith? It’s Liam. I just wanted to tell you that Spike and Xander are sort of back together, and that I’ll be taking some vacation time.”  
   
“Spike and Xander are back together? How do you know? I thought you left? Something about bottles and shouting…”  
   
“Yeah. Me and Xander had a talk. Do you want to talk to Spike?”  
   
“Yes. I expect him to be at the airport in an hour, and if he’s having sex, he won’t make it here.”  
   
“Why are you at the airport?”  
   
“Spike asked me to come sort this whole mess out. I take it I’m wasting my time?” Faith turned round, bumping into a man as she did. She looked at him. It was the man from the plane. “Liam, I’ll talk to you later. Enjoy the vacation time.” She hung up the phone. The man had placed a hand on her arm to stop her falling over during the collision. “Hi…”  
   
“Good morning, miss.” _Oh, hot English accent, good looking and talking to me! Three things on the plus side…_  
   
“You were next to me on the plane…”  
   
“Yes. Yes I was. Wesley.” He introduced himself, holding out a hand for Faith to shake.  
   
“Faith. Are you, um, here for business?”  
   
“No, I’m visiting some friends of mine. Yourself?”  
   
“Oh, the same. My best friend has been having guy trouble, and he asked me to come over, but it seems I’m not needed now… So I guess I’ll just take the next flight home.”  
   
“If you don’t think me too forward, perhaps you would join me for a coffee? Or maybe for lunch later?”  
   
“No. I mean, no, you’re not being too forward. I’d like to have lunch with you.”  
   
The two walked out of the airport, standing closer together than strangers should, but far too far apart.  
   
***  
   
Spike and Xander were on the couch. Clothing had been removed, more kissing had taken place and Xander was currently showing Spike just how good he was at blowjobs. Considering he had never given one before, he was doing very well. Spike gasped as Xander’s finger’s brushed over the cleft of Spike’s arse, making the skin tingle and his balls draw up a bit more.  
   
“God, Xan, that’s good…” Xander sucked harder and Spike moaned. “So close now…”  
   
Xander pulled up and released Spike’s cock with a wet pop. Spike keened with frustration. “Fuck me? Please? Make love to me…”  
   
Spike didn’t need to be told twice. He dragged Xander up the stairs and to the bedroom, where they could get comfortable and take their time. And that was where the lube was. Spike always had lube and condoms in his bedside drawer. Partially because he was a guy and lube made wanking so much better, and partially because one could never be too careful when having sex.    
   
Spike positioned Xander on all fours, giving him a perfect view of Xander’s bum. Lubing up his fingers, he gently slipped one into Xander’s tight hole, waiting for the uncomfortable feeling to pass for the other man. Then, with no warning, he scraped his nail over Xander’s prostate. Xander screamed with pleasure. Spike groaned. He was still close to cumming from the earlier unfinished blowjob.  
   
Slipping a second finger into Xander’s body, he began to scissor them, loosening the tight channel enough to get a third one in. That would have to be enough. Time to put on a condom and show Xander just how good it felt to be fucked. Xander was babbling incoherently, begging for Spike to do more, to let him cum, to do _SOMETHING_. Lining his latex covered cock up at Xander’s entrance, Spike pushed forward. The head slipped through the ring of muscle on the second try, and both men froze- Xander to stop the beautiful burning pain, and Spike to stop himself from finishing embarrassingly fast.  
   
When he was sure Xander was ready, Spike began to move. Sliding all the way in, he was rewarded with a moan from Xander as cock his prostate. Xander soon began moving counterpoint to Spike’s movements, not believing how fucking _good_ it felt to be so full. His own orgasm was fast approaching. He could feel it in his balls and zipping down his spine.  
   
“Spike… So close… WILLIAM!”  
   
That was all it took. Spike came hard. The tip of the condom filled with semen as Spike kept on cumming in what could easily have been the best orgasm of his life. Xander’s orgasm spilled on the bed in strong jets. Neither man moved for a while, both enjoying the satisfaction that only a truly great orgasm can bring. Eventually, they flopped down next to each other, Spike dragging Xander into his embrace.  
   
“You remembered, pet.”  
   
“Yeah. I remembered. William.” They both smiled.  
   
“Promise you’ll stay this time? No surprise imaginary boyfriends?”  
   
“I promise.”  
“Good. Go to sleep now, love.”  
   
“Ok. I love you.”  
   
“I love you too, pet.”


	15. Epilogue

Spike didn’t like the flowers. It was such a trivial thing, but now they were so close to the big day he thought he maybe should have said something sooner. It was supposed to be a perfect day, and the flowers, he felt, were giving off the wrong vibe. They had hired out a hall, invited guests, vows were written, and now it was all falling apart because of the damn flowers! 

Spike was wearing a suit. The tie, waistcoat and cummerbund were a deep crimson colour, contrasting nicely with the black shoes, pants and jacket. Faith grinned at him. She was beautiful. Her dark hair was pinned back in just the right way so that it cascaded down her back and over her shoulder in a riot of soft, dark curls. Her dress was just as pretty as she was. It was a snow white, sleeveless number, with crimson trim and shiny diamante detail around the top and the hem. 

Xander had been a little worried about the upcoming wedding too, but for different reasons. Liam would be Faith’s other bridesmaid. Spike had scowled and tried to strong-arm Faith into giving it a different name. Xander had laughed when Spike had stormed through the house, slamming doors as he went. Xander had worried that something was badly wrong, but had had to leave the room when Spike had simply said “I’m a bridesmaid”.

Neither of them had thought that Faith and Wesley’s would have been a long term relationship, but they had been proven wrong when Wesley had proposed to Faith on her birthday. He had enlisted the help of Spike, Xander and Liam to organise a surprise party, and had popped the question in front of a gathering of family and friends. 

Spike’s immediate reaction had been jealousy, but he’d hidden it well and forced himself to be happy for his friends. From the look on Liam’s face, he was having the same problem. They had talked outside for a while, comforting and consoling each other. Both men pretended not to see the tears in each other’s eyes. Xander had found them outside, both smoking silently. Spike had glanced up, ground out his cigarette on the sole of his boot, and had given Xander a bone crushing hug. The crowd had dispersed earlier than planned, giving the soon to be happy couple some time to celebrate together. Spike hadn’t said anything about it to Xander, but the brunette knew that something was up. 

And now they were here. The wedding was only missing the groom now, and Wesley had already phoned Spike to let him know he was on his way. Xander sat in his seat in the hall with the other guests, waiting for the wedding to begin. 

*** 

“I now proclaim you husband and wife!” The minister announced. The crowd went wild, clapping and cheering, taking photos of the happy couple and crying tears of joy. Xander wanted nothing more than to hug Spike and tell him how gorgeous he looked. He got to do that when the reception started. Liam had scowled and stalked over to the bar, with the intention of getting so drunk he couldn’t stand. 

Xander pulled Spike over to a quiet corner, and kissed the blonde until his knees went weak. He could feel Spike’s arousal through the front of his suit pants. 

“Is there somewhere we can go? Just for a few minutes? Need to taste you, baby…” Xander moaned quietly in Spike’s ear, making them both shiver with need. 

“Faith’s dressing room. But we’ll have to be quick, pet.”

Xander palmed Spike’s erection through the now slightly damp fabric. “I think we’ll be quick.” He grinned as Spike moaned quietly, leaning his head down on Xander’s shoulder, eyes closing in bliss. Xander moved his hand from Spike’s crotch to take his hand, and dragged him around the edge of the room to Faith’s dressing room. 

*** 

Liam watched Spike and Xander’s actions. The kiss had made him jealous, and seeing them leaving together, knowing exactly what they were sneaking off to do, made him want to cry. Of course, the Scotch was helping with that, too. 

“See tha’?” He slurred at the bartender. “Tha’s my ex. An’ his new boyfriend.  They gunna go fuck now.” 

The bartender, a young man with short, naturally blonde hair, laid his hand over Liam’s larger one. “I’m sorry to hear that.” 

“You know wha’ I am? I’m a brishd maine… no, a brinesman… no… I’m, I’m a person with a flower!” 

“A bridesmaid?”

“Yeah, one of them too.”

“You don’t look like a bridesmaid. You’re much too masculine for that.” 

“Aww… you’re nice. Wha’s ya name?” 

“Andrew.” 

“I’m Liam. Wanna dance? There’s music over there.” Liam flung his hand in the direction of the dance floor, hoping that Andrew could understand simple directions. 

“Sure. I’m off work in a few anyway.”

“Great!” Liam grinned. 

*** 

Spike was leaning against the wall, his hands tangled in Xander’s silky hair. He was lost in the view of his own hard prick sliding in and out of Xander’s mouth, and the feel of the orgasm rapidly building in his body. His breaths were rapid and shallow. 

“Oh, fuck… Xan… I’m gunna… I’m cumming!” Xander’s eyes closed as Spike’s hot, sticky cum jetted into his mouth. He kept sucking until Spike was soft again, and tucked him away, zipping up his fly and adjusting the cummerbund again for the dazed looking blonde. He placed a kiss on Spike’s lips, and was instantly kissed back, hard and passionately. Spike’s arms wrapped around Xander’s waist, holding him close. 

“Need me to return the favour, pet?” 

“Nah, I’m good. You can make it up to me when we get home. I wanna go dance with the hottest guy here now.”

“Leaving me already?” Spike pouted. 

“Dance with me, baby?”

“I’d love to, pet.”

*** 

On the dance floor, Xander danced with Spike to the slow, romantic song that was playing. For a minute or so, they were focuses entirely on each other. Then something caught Spike’s eye. 

“Look at that, pet. Looks like Liam’s found himself a new boy toy.”

“Yeah. You jealous?” 

“Of them? Of course not. I have the hottest guy on the planet for a boyfriend. Why would I be jealous of Liam and… the bartender? Got to admit, though, I’m a little jealous of Faith, getting married and all. But I accepted that wasn’t going to happen for me a long time ago. I have you now, and I’m happy.” 

“I’m happy, too.” They danced until the song ended, and a faster, more popular song came on. Xander led them over to a vacant table, and sat down looking serious. “Will?” 

Spike felt nervous. The last time Xander had been this serious was when he had announced that he had a girlfriend and his life was great, so he wouldn’t be coming back to Spike. “Yeah?”

“Wanna move to New York?” 

Spike was surprised. “Why? What’s in New York?” 

Xander bit his lip, looking as nervous as Spike had felt. “Legal gay marriage?”  

A stunned silence met his words, before “Xan, are you proposing to me?” 

“Yeah, I guess I am. What d’ya say?”  

“I say… ask me properly, on bended knee, and I’ll say yes.” They were grinning from ear to ear, holding each other tightly and whispering phrases of love and sweet nothings. 

*** 

Liam pulled away from Andrew’s lips, which were kiss swollen and slightly puffy, just long enough to say “Your place or mine?” before diving back in for more kisses. 

*** 

Faith danced with Wesley, loving the look of devotion in her new husband’s eyes. “I love you.” 

“I love you too.” 

*** 

“I love you Xander.” 

“I love you too, William. Will you marry me?” 

“Yes, pet. Oh, god, yes.” 


End file.
